Don’t waste your time with this film. No, seriously - don’t. I’ve watched it so you don’t have to. The following plot summation will provide you with all the information you need, and you’ll be free to spend the following 91 minutes doing something more beneficial to your life (which includes just about anything other than a viewing of When in Rome).
Directed by Mark Steven Johnson, When in Rome is the story of Beth (Kristen Bell), a young, workaholic museum curator who abides by the idea that love is just not worth her time. While attending her sister’s impromptu wedding in Rome, Beth becomes enamored with the best man - a charming reporter named Nick (Josh Duhamel). Afraid of having her heart broken, Beth escapes the reception and drunkenly stumbles upon the (conveniently close) Fountain of Love. Upset and intoxicated, she steals five coins from the fountain, hoping to spare their casters from the sorrows of love gone awry. Unbeknownst to Beth, taking coins from the fountain is rumored to put a spell on those who threw them in, and she soon finds strange men relentlessly hitting on her.
Beth’s admirers include an Italian artist, a street magician, and a male model (portrayed by Will Arnett, Jon Heder, and Dax Shepard, respectively). Perhaps Johnson was unsure of whom he most wanted to typecast, so he just went ahead and cast them all. As if this weren’t enough, we get Danny DeVito as the fourth schmuck charmed into love with Beth… which wouldn’t be as creepy if he wasn’t several decades her senior. The fifth coin stolen by Beth belongs to Nick, and she must figure out whether his presumed romantic feelings for her are real, or merely the result of her thievery.
I won’t bore you with the minute details that make up the greater part of the film’s plot. Suffice it to say that the film begins with a wedding, as well as ends with one.
I have to wonder what compelled Johnson, whose previous credits include Daredevil and Ghost Rider, to change directions completely and helm a romantic comedy. Not to worry, though - When in Rome fails just as miserably as the others. With its odd combination of overt slapstick comedy and trite messages about romance, I was confused as to whether the target audience was lovelorn 15-year-old girls or their annoying little brothers. The film offers an absolutely pointless Shaquille O’Neal cameo, (which, come to think of it, doesn’t seem too out of place considering how much of a mess the rest of the movie is.) And there’s an appearance by Efren Ramirez as Heder’s videotaping sidekick - because what Heder role would be complete without a blatant Napoleon Dynamite reference? The lines are cheesy and predictable; I almost choked when I heard Bell ask, “He’s standing right behind me, isn’t he?” and cringed at Duhamel’s “The only spell I’m under… is yours.” It seems to me that the writers hastily compiled their dialogue from a list of “Top 10 Most Cliché Lines in Film.”
The story is weak, the dialogue is cheap, and (despite what I can only imagine were desperate attempts at fleshing them out) the characters don’t seem to have much depth to them. I won't even go into the dance number performed by the cast during the end credits; that's another level of torture entirely. When in Rome might aspire to be the next When Harry Met Sally, but it falls into the ranks with Maid in Manhattan and From Justin to Kelly.
When in Rome, do as the Romans do. But when seeking a film that’s worth your time, look elsewhere.
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